I Am Enough
Growing up, I didn’t know I was enough. There wasn’t a person or situation that could convince me that I was. I spent my teenage and young adult years trying to find ways to make myself enough. Enough for him, enough for them, enough for it, just enough. I asked for permission to be who other people wanted me to be. I asked for clearance to walk through certain doors and if someone disagreed, I closed the door and stood still. Who I was wasn’t enough; that’s what I believed anyway. I didn’t know I didn’t have to change who I was to be accepted. I didn’t know I didn’t have to deny my authentic self to be loved. I didn’t know that loving myself was all the love I needed. I didn’t know any of this and it was because my brokenness had me convinced that I just wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough for me. Yeah, that’s what I believed.
Who knew that thinking I wasn’t enough had the power to cost me everything. Who knew that misconception had the power to make me try to end it all. Who knew saying I wasn’t enough gave everyone else around me the authority to run my life. I didn’t know it until it was almost too late. I didn’t know it until I looked up one day and didn’t recognize the woman I had become. I wasn’t enough. I believed that lie for over a decade. So, I conformed my hair, my style, my walk, my talk, my dreams, my entire life so I could be enough for someone else; anyone else. It’s laughable now but it was heartbreaking and mortifying when I got the revelation. The revelation that I was enough. I didn’t have to change who I was. Yes, I needed to constantly grow and evolve but that didn’t mean abandoning the woman I was at the core. It didn’t mean shifting my being because it made someone else uncomfortable. It didn’t mean altering my spirit because it intimidated her, him or them. It simply meant that the woman that looks back at me in the mirror was enough. That revelation broke chains, expectations, and destroyed the box that I allowed myself to be forced into. I stopped apologizing for who I was. I stopped shrinking to make other people feel better. I stopped explaining my why for my life. I just stopped.
I was enough when I was thirteen. I was enough when I was twenty-three and I’m more than enough at thirty-six. I don’t have the capacity to care about how someone else feels about my life. I’m not interested in what someone else thinks I should do. I’m not consulting people about my hair, my clothes, my dreams, or my heart because I’ve consulted God so anything else should only be confirmation. I refuse to live for the approval, the praise, or the comfort of other people. If who I am isn’t enough for you. If who I am makes you uncomfortable, I’m not the one for you. I am enough. My heart is enough. My dreams are enough. My love is enough and those that enter my circle will recognize that. Those that don’t, they’re not part of my circle and that’s more than okay. So, she’s enough and if that is too much for you, she will gladly remove herself, move forward and make room for those that embrace all that she is for who she is. Because truth be told, my enough may be more than some people can take…….