I Didn't Sign Up For This
On my list of things to do in my life, none of them included getting divorced or becoming a single parent. I mean, no one wakes up and says, "Today I think I'll raise my child/children alone.” I know I didn't. I didn't sign up for this. I had no idea what all of this meant. I saw other people do it and they made it look like something out of a horror movie. So yeah, I was bracing myself. I definitely didn't expect what was about to happen to me, my daughter and our lives.
My family closed ranks around us and I mean like some military, I wish you would kind of stuff lol. They just did...they just were. I've always been resilient, self sufficient and the one everyone else turned to so this..I didn't know what to do with it. I didn't want for anything unless I just chose to. My family showed up, they stood up and they became everything my baby and I needed. They didn't have to because we all know some family isn't family but mine, they exceed that word.
My baby always had the loudest cheering section at every dance recital and competition. She didn't miss a daddy/daughter dance. She celebrated every grandparents and daddy breakfast at school. Her uncle was there to present her with flowers for a recital. She's always been showered with love and shown how she should be treated. My parents didn't miss one moment. When I needed to breathe and have a mommy break, I just had to say the word and it was done. I didn't sign up for this.
My friends...they've been more like sisters. When I needed to vent, they listened. They gave me advice and told me to calm down when I wanted to show all the way out. They're always ready to ride out for me lol. They've stood with me, supported me and reminded me on my weakest days that I've got this. They've made me laugh when I wanted to cry and fall apart. They've been my Jessica Dimes to make sure I kept my character in tact lol....hey, we all need those in our lives. I didn't sign up for this.
We moved back to her birthplace almost a year ago and we were home. We went to church and we were home. I walked into my coach's house and we were home. Once again, ranks were closed around us and I was in awe. No one questioned it...they just welcomed us. Sydnee had a place to go after school. She found friends, sisters, aunts, uncles, second parents. When I need something, I just have to send a text. I'm supported, challenged and pushed to live my dreams. I found my tribe...we found our tribe. I didn't sign up for this.
See, there are people that become single parents and they have it rough. They don't really have a support system, family or friends. They didn't sign up for it but they make it work. I didn't intend to be a single parent. It wasn't part of my plan but I'm here. I didn't sign up for this but looking at these past 11 years, I realize I hit the jackpot. I've got family, friends and a tribe I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.
I didn't know a lot about this journey but I knew I didn't want to have to do it alone. I'm so glad I don't have to....